Richmond Women's Resource Centre

Written By Samantha Kearney - BWSS Counsellor

As the role of women changes and becomes more varied and complex, the responsibilities and challenges they face in their lives increase. At times, they are left with very little time for themselves to relax, to re-energize, to experience pure pleasure, and to engage in fun and silly stuff. Many women are bombarded with fulfilling the needs of others, taking care of their families, friends, work relationships, and so forth, stretching them thin and to their limits.

The following "tips" on simplifying your life will not in all likelihood solve all of life's challenges or make life one big happy sailing. They may, however, help you become more aware of how your life is led and how you can simplify it, making it less cluttered and draining.

Share Stories

Storytelling is both a great form of entertainment as well as an excellent way to learn more about your friends. Instead of spending time with friends consuming outside forms of entertainment from videos, films, restaurants, and so on, plan some storytelling evenings where friends can share stories of adventures, family history, or amusing personal experiences with each other. Suggest a storytelling theme for the evening or leave it completely free-form. Storytelling is one of the oldest forms of entertainment and, although somewhat lost as a regular social activity, it is making a comeback through storytelling associations and conversations.

Face the Fantasy

Face the fantasies you carry about what life is supposed to be like, what relationships are supposed to be like, and free yourself from their tyranny by recognizing that they are just myths. Myths are cultivated, nurtured, and perpetuated in excess in our culture, from advertising to movies to print media. Madison Avenue preys upon the discrepancy between what we think life should be and what it really is, and we consume in an attempt to fill that void. But there will always be a chasm between the fantasy media image of life and what we all really experience. The sooner you free yourself of the fantasies, the sooner you can enjoy what you do have without having to buy one more thing.

Show Emotions

Life can be a lot simpler when you feel the flow of emotions to and from the people you care about, instead of feeling hungry for more emotional connection or unsafe in expressing your feelings. Do whatever it takes to show your feelings, from picking emotionally expressive friends with whom you can be comfortable showing a full range of emotions, to learning to be more expressive and direct yourself.

Just Say No

Learn to say no without guilt. Know what your work, social, and personal limits are and maintain them. Learning to live more simply also means learning to set and maintain limits. You have nothing to lose but some of the simplicity you've worked to create.

Prioritize

Write out what your priorities are for this month and post your list someplace that's easily visible so you can check it periodically against what you're doing. Rewrite it as necessary to keep your priorities current and accurate. Being clear on what your priorities are makes the decision-making process easier.

By Hand

Reconnect with a more human pace and scale by doing things with your own hands. Although it may not always be practical to make your own bread or build your own retaining wall, try doing as much as you can to reconnect with raw materials and the experience of sinking your hands and mind into a physically creative project. This may inspire your creativity and help you overcome the alienation that comes with just being a consumer instead of getting to be part of a creative process. It can be so much more gratifying to use, wear, or eat something that you've made instead of purchased.

Time Alone

Since you spend a lot of time with yourself, you might as well learn to enjoy it and make it quality time. With a lot of the physical and mental noise filtered out through your simplification process, you may find yourself with more quiet time alone. What are some of the ways you enjoy your own company? Knowing pleasant ways to keep yourself company is a great skill, and this bit of self-knowledge travels well to any place and any situation.

Simple Pleasures Under $5

In an increasingly pay-for-the-thrill and entertain me culture, it is helpful to remember some of the cheaper thrills. Here are a few starter suggestions: attend a matinee movie; give a single rose; split a sundae; start a doodler's notebook; share a bag of popcorn; hop into a photo booth with a friend; buy a good used paperback; buy a fresh-baked loaf of bread and have a picnic; treat yourself to a nice bar of soap; consume the Sunday paper; make cupcakes; send an appreciation card.

Downsize Your Life

Perform a personal life audit by examining where you put your energy and where you feel the most gratification. Are there activities, habits, relationships that you could phase out because they aren't as rewarding as others? See if you can't edit out a bit of your busy-ness, leaving yourself with renewed focus and more time to enjoy the things that do bring you pleasure.

Live Now

Inhabit your current life by being aware of how much you drift off into memories and regrets of the past or anxiety and plans for the future. Gently bring yourself back to where you are now. After now, it's simpler to live in one time zone at a time.

Shoulds, Coulds, Woulds

What are the shoulds, coulds, and woulds that you keep telling yourself? Think about each area of your life and examine the picture you have of what you think it should look like versus what it is. Are these pictures tangible goals you want to work towards, or are they actually somebody else's voice? (Perhaps a parent's? Or that of society at large?) Eliminate the disparity between these voices and your reality by asking yourself which voice is really yours, and owning the picture you really want.

Proving What

Do you feel like you still need to prove something to someone about yourself? Do you feel you'll have proven yourself when you get a big house or a prestigious promotion or a new girlfriend? Your sense of self-worth isn't really going to improve from having a bigger title after your name. Let go of external measures of your sense of self and worth. Directly tell the unsupportive people in your head that you don't have to prove anything to them to feel okay about yourself. It's much simpler that way.

Unabashed Joy

Do you know what makes you joyful? Be very specific, if you can. If you don't know off the top of your head, think of the last time you felt really good and remember what you were doing. Focus on and engage in activities that directly feed your sense of joy as often as possible. Make doing something joyful a daily priority. Facing that need squarely may allow you to drop other activities and behaviors that were less direct means of getting the same thing.

Life Focus

What do you want to do in your lifetime? Make a list of all your goals and dreams. Depending on how big your goals are, pick three to five of the ones that interest you the most right now. Focus on just these, letting the others fade into the background while you direct your attention to this more manageable list. Every time you get distracted by thinking up yet more goals, just add them to your list of all your goals, and then return your attention to actualizing the projects at hand.

Simplest Pleasures Free

Walk barefoot in the grass; lick raindrops off your lips; read a library book; bury your feet in the sand; take a bubble bath; hug somebody; give a face massage; watch bugs; wish on a star; find animals in clouds; crawl into warm pajamas; share a joke; trade secrets with a friend; smile at nothing in particular.

Just Be Yourself

It's a lot simpler to be yourself and not worry than to try to be the person you think your family, friends, and strangers want you to be. Who really knows what they want anyway? A life if integrity is one lived as your natural self, not as some fictional character made up to accommodate and please those around you. So be yourself in all your glorious quirkiness. You may be surprised how many people like you for just that.

Express Passion

What do you get passionate about? Is it injustice in the world? A well-cooked meal? Your family? And what do you do about it? Do you bottle it up or do you express it in some form, such as writing letters to the editor or giving big hugs? Expressing your passion is a great way to feel very alive and engaged in the world-which is truly the best simple pleasure. Unlike some other cultures, the West does not tend to be highly expressive and passionate, but we could start to change that.